In quest of the thin wallet

Odd shaped posteriors in men are a frequent sight in Mumbai. Any conclusions on whether such observations form my favorite pastime may please be reserved till the end of this piece. There are multiple reasons for this apparent deformity. Genetics and the fact that the Brits kicked our backside too often could be the case. The other more plausible reason, I ‘figure’, is the presence of the wallet in the rear pocket.
It’s not the wallet per se; it’s the wallet’s contents. The way we eat, the way we live and the way we stuff our wallets are all indicative of the same mindset. Our typical food is the thali, a serving of all that one could ask for during the course of a meal, served within the same circumference. Plates are stuffed to the edge with Papads tilted over achars and salads. Our houses are clustered settings, next to each other; cozy neighbourhoods are getting even cozier, congested in my opinion. Wallets are repositories of what was, what is and what may be. Some of the contents that are typical Mumbai wallet or even an Indian one are (pls feel free to rummage through ur own and add on)

1. Pictures of Gods and goddesses- Have always wondered why…..is it that we treat them like Guardian Angels of our money. Considering where we park our wallets usually I’d say its sacrilege!

2. Pictures of wife/ girlfriend/ kids- Again why does a family portrait have to be in the wallet? Just in case you get lost or lose your memory, people will know you have a family? Or the less social kinds know exactly whom to extort money from?

3. Miniature phone books- With font size 3 entries, initial alphabetical order has given way to entries in all possible directions, strike offs, over-written, smudged ink, dog eared pages. My dad has a phone book that’s’ been around more than me. He also gives me the feeling sometimes that he loves it more than me.

4. Visiting cards- All and sundry, including ones own cards to handout.I happen to have my doodhwallas visiting card in my wallet.

5. Bills- Past and present, old and new, used and fresh. Laundry, ATM receipts, petrol pump receipts, credit card receipts.

6. Documents- Folded 16 times over, you’ll see twenty page documents compressed into a small compartment.

7. Driving Licence- People including urs truly carries it even though they don’t drive (strange)

8. Credit Cards- Multiple, various brands, unused ones, dated ones. Multiple credit cards. It’s again a back up syndrome, used to also be a show off syndrome until cards began to be distributed like errr…..cards.

9. Money- we still carry loads of it. Inspite of plastic money, we still haven’t got to carrying ‘just right’ amounts. What if I have to get married on the way to work, who’ll pay the expenses?

10. Rainy day money- Usually a 500 rupee note or even higher, stuffed away in a corner of the wallet. Usually for emergencies it seems, when the other 5 grand that you’re carrying gets exhausted. Why do we need ATMs then? Emergencies in the case of men is usually at a watering hole, especially rainy day money emerges on rainy days at binges.

11. Loose Change- Most irritating but must have, needed for bus/ train travel and to pay rick wallahs and buy Mid Day. Pokes the posterior, creates edges to the wallet and jingles sometimes while you walk.

I clean my wallet up once in three months, I mean apart from the money, which is cleaned up by various agencies. The day next to the cleaning, my wallet starts resembling a Somalian- emaciated and frail. It doesn’t look ‘prosperous’. The fact that it looks obese and out of shape when full worries me less. I promptly start filling it with new bills and reinserting stuff that I had discarded first thinking it’s not mandatory. Aaah, now that feels good to sit on.