Ajith Nair

“So what you doin this weekend?” is the most common refrain that one’s hearing this week. This weekend, for those who aren’t tuned in yet, happens to be a ‘long’ one. The Father of the Nation was born on the 2nd October which “fortunately falls on a Monday this time”. So all us folks who are overworked, under and overpaid and couldn’t care two hoots about Gandhiji’s life or death will be in drunken stupor after two days of partying or doing our own movie watching or socializing on that day. Many of us, including yours truly, are planning to watch the Gandhigiri themed Munnabhai on that day. That film incidentally stars someone who has been a drug addict and accused in the Mumbai blast case of 1993. Gandhiji meanwhile will continue to smile at us from walls in schools, as statues in the centre of towns, as main roads in all cities.

Lakshmi died day before. She was knocked down by a speeding truck, very close to where I stay. I used to see Lakshmi being bathed by a cackle of local street urchins, all having the time of their lives. This used to happen right next to the highway and used to be a quite a sight for passersby. She would be most patient, wallowing in the attention that she deservedly got. The mahout of course, used all the labour that he could get, that too for free.I have never seen a more obedient animal. She followed instructions to the T, whether out of fear or love we’ll never know. The mahout as has been widely written now, used her to make money. That would mean everything from taking part in temple festivals to actually begging on roads. I don’t know what’s more cruel- being displaced from her natural habitat for life, being made to walk miles on concrete which she obviously doesn’t enjoy, not getting her fill everyday, being made to beg…the list is endless. The mahout had his reasons am sure, b...

I have been on Orkut for the last four months. There are changes that it has brought about, some incremental, and some monumental. For one its just picks up your network and puts it up for everyone to see. It also puts up the conversations that you are having with others on public display through the scrapbook. So while it is a voyeur’s delight it is also a subtle reinforcement that “all is well with me cos people are scrapping me”. Orkut marries the multiple worlds that we inhabit. It also brings together the past and the present in the same window, literally. In that sense it is the best forum to identify the Connectors as Malcolm Gladwell defines them in Tipping Point. My multiple worlds have brought back identities that I had lost as I grew into newer things. I rediscovered that I used to be poet and quite keen on maths theorems. I also was reminded by this sweet friend of mine that I was a drummer with the college band. The latest positive reinforcement came from someone that I sp...

The BEST has put up signboards at every bus stop which say ‘for the Handicap to board n alight’. These signboards have been there for the last couple of months. The design says that BEST buses will stop right next to those signboards so that it becomes easy for the handicapped. Trust BEST guys to have a heart. Full grown young men like me, have problems sometimes getting into BEST buses simply put because the driver decides that this stop doesn’t look worth stopping at. Hardly the ‘best’ people to provide special service to the handicapped. Is there any science that goes into designing seats for the handicapped? Those of you who have taken the BEST will realize what I am trying to get at. The only positive that I see about the seats reserved for the handicapped is that it’s right next to the exit. That’s all. Let me try and list the downsides 1. The size of the single seat right upfront is the pits. Its can accommodate kids but not full grown adults 2. Any adult sitting in that seat wi...

My first reaction when I heard that the Dutch had detained some Indian passengers on a whim was one of outrage. On second thoughts, I did think “some of us do deserve it though. The way we don’t respect anybody’s privacy or have this general feeling that all rules can be broken, circumvented and they were not meant for us anyways” Well that saga ended but the thought lingered. Today, on my way back home, there was an absolute pest of a creation sitting close by who deserved to be among the Dutch detainees or maybe even in Guantanamo Bay. He prided himself in being loud and clear on his cell phone. Given his decibel, he really didn’t need one. He was discussing centrifuges, process temperature and how to mix chocolate with nuts (synonymous with personality). He works with Cadbury, he made that loud and clear too. Subtle and obvious looks of irritation from your truly and other passengers only fueled the monologue. In half an hour the whole bus and probably all the neighboring traffic ha...

I was at a senior colleague’s place today for lunch. The spread was a sumptuous south Indian fare, ranging from rasam vadai to bisibella bath, various kinds of dosa made to order. So while I helped myself to repeat helpings of sambar and bisi bella bath, I wondered how this North Indian friend of mine could manage such lovely fare, his wife too is from the North. A polite enquiry disguised in the form of a compliment let Anna out of the bag. Apparently the whole lunch was outsourced. So there u had this team of Tamils led by Anna who had made his kitchen theirs for the last three hours or so. They had come prepared, with the large tava which could do multiple dosas at any time, the atta, all the condiments to sprinkle and the works. My friend and his wife could rest and chat with everyone who’d come, with attention to the kitchen being required off and on. Which brings me to the whole thought that’s been haunting me ever since. Whenever we had guests over mom was in the kitchen doing t...

There was magic at the Kinrara Oval today. The rain gods might have prevailed but there was just one man that everybody bowed to. There was the magic of old, which off late had started seeming almost fictional. On a wicket that had wicked intentions, against an attack that could have done much better, the Little Master got to work slowly and steadily. Some deliveries missed the edge, a few slashes almost went to glove but then when ur seeing the Taj Mahal you don’t talk about the graffiti on the marble. This innings was about redefining deft touch, rejoicing in the straight drive and resting assured that all was well with the MRF blade. The five sixes, three over covers and one each on either side of the wicket were vintage Sachin, a mix of Sharjah and Wanderers woven together. There was good batting at the other end but the art on display made everything else pale in comparison. To come down from eulogizing to probably an ominous fact, this was probably the first time in a long long t...

Four of the prime accused in the Mumbai Bomb blast case have been sentenced. Some others have been acquitted. Mr Shah who’s lost his eyesight in the stock exchange blast finally sees a faint glimmer of hope. Or does he? It took 13 years to book these culprits. Several bombs have gone off in the interim, people have learnt to live with the fact that bombs, human and otherwise might travel with them in public transport and elsewhere. Apathy and resignation have overcome fear and terror. Would faster justice have served as deterrent to future perpetrators, one can only speculate. But what one of the sentenced shouted in court on hearing the verdict is telling “Aaap hum logon ko terrorist bana kar hi chodoge” There are various ways that one can read that statement. Hum logon, stands for the community and not just the individual. There also is fatalism there, as if there’s no choice but to turn terrorist. It is also the frustration of a man who almost had come to believe that if he hadn’t b...

Martina’s close to 50…..she played near perfect tennis today to bag yet another Mixed doubles title at the US Open. Something that the commentators said seemed so telling “when she won her first Mixed doubles title, her partner was 8 years old”. She epitomizes, mind over body, passion over training. It almost seems like she is made to play tennis till kingdom come. Can’t see any of the current set of players, men, or women for that matter, doing even half of what she’s achieved. The other significant exit brings back to me the whole idea of conventional v/s unconventional genius that I had written earlier aboutAndre Agassi is the unconventional genius. He has the ability to surprise you everywhere, on court and off it. I’ll always remember him for being the no tantrums, well behaved guy on court, someone who always smiled, either in glee, hope or philosophically. I don’ remember him arguing with the chair umpire ever or trying to use cheap means to unsettle opponents. .

Vande mataram is a one day affair. Centenary celebrations of anything in India is always a farce. There will be one stamp released, some yojanas and schemes will be announced. Next day on, it’ll be life as usual, corruption et al Theatres all over Maharashtra play the National Anthem compulsorily before every film. It is usually accompanied by sounds of giggles, popcorn passing, and some idiots who walk in mid way and stare at everyone as if the song were being sung for them while some others who just don’t bother to stand up. The most interesting bit is when invariably some kid or the other shouts at the end of it”good morning teacher” Funny I agree, but that’s the way we have been ‘taught’ these national treasures- by rote. The kids reactions are conditioned, they don’t understand head or tail of what they’re reciting. Sadly, the last time Vande Mataram became salient was when A R rehman did an album on it……it of course got replaced onto the Chart Toppers  The national song is tough...

Interesting conicidence or is there more to it.....The above two trend lines represent Iran and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The graphs are self explanatory I guess...

This is my first discovery on Google Trend. The above graph shows search trends for 'SEX" as made by India. My observations 1. We've hit a new high in 2006,check out the peak in the beginning of the year, wonder why. Was the beginning of 2006 the so called Tipping Point (too early to say) 2. There is something flawed in Google'scaling, check out the distances between successive years in the first graph 3. What causes that distinct peak in October I wonder (seen in both 2004 and 2005), is it a month of revival, festivity, joy etc etc 4. At an absolute level the number of searches seem to be largely constant..... 5. Check out hows search for sex and probably sex itself is a weekend phenomenon More interesting trends tomorrow....

Mumbai traffic jams have their own character. True to how the city lives, traffic jams also tend to be chaotic, unruly and yet everybody finally seems to find their way. This is especially true at junctions or nakas as they call it here when signals are on blink and the traffic cop is catching forty winks or is in his cabin with drinks! The sequence of events, or rather the randomness of events in such a scenario is worth a chronicle. There is always a main road, as they call it, highway n short and then there are a lot of arteries. Singals being on blink mean that everybody has a right of way, yet nobody has supreme rights at any point in time. This is precisely what happens too. The extra aggressive BEST driver is the first to butt in, and then in the suburbs there are the ricks that seem to be able to mould themselves into any shape and ensconce themselves into the tiniest of corners. So there would a couple of BEST buses, a score of rickshaws, all facing directions away from where ...

This is heartfelt reaction to a column in today’s HT by the very suave, the very liberal, the self proclaimed God of all things Alyque Padamsee. This is what he wrote. CITY that once hosted Tamikointo aher hot tomato and striptease is now forcing us 1820s village culture. If we want Bombay to be like Shanghai, our governing bodies had better wake up. Bombay is known as the city that never sleeps and yet we have the ridiculous closing down of pubs and restaurants at early hours and banning of dance bars and the latest ban on adult movies on TV. Is the government trying to turn Bombay into the Vatican City?! Wake up Mr Chief Minister, or you’ll find all the multinational businesses moving out of our prestigious city. Soon we’ll be left with only Slumbay. When I was in college, we had a gala time visiting restaurants witch dancing till 4 am. Like Venice at the Airlines Hotel, Volga opposite Akbarally’s and half a dozen other lively joints. I specially remember the Mandarin restaurant oppo...

Amsterdam to Mumbai is a lot Fancy aisle seat I’d got Enough for a butt brush and a wink or two A nine hours flight, you need stuff to do! We were revving up as all planes do And I was busy ogling at the shapely crew The pilot announced stuff as he always does I said aloud “take off sir, karo bhi bas” My phone rang and had to take the call Yousee, was an important call after all Flung the seat belt to make some room Even as the jet slowly began to zoom Call done and back in my seat I returned to my ogling retreat Soon enough I heard they say We’re headed back the very same way! Land we did in great style My ogling opportunity had lasted just a mile Why the hell were we back And that too they didn’t serve any snack Saw some crew point towards me Finally they realized how handsome I could be I was handcuffed and led outside the plane Bid a service goodbye by shapely hostess Jane. Write this from a 4X4 cell While I experience Dutch hell Am not a terrorist never was one And ogle I did, but...

Today's Hindustan Times reports that Pune apparently goes on a sex overdrive during Ganesh Chaturthi. This is borne out by sale of condoms through the Govt channels. The reasons for as stated being 1. A lot many more prostitutes are in town 2. Couples out in the city end up making out more often as they're away from the prying eyes of parents A similar thing occurs during Navratri in Maharashtra and Gujarat. Dandiya raas and Raas Leela seem to be not so strange bedfellows. It's interesting to note that 'religious' festivals which in Hindu mythlogy are ideally associated with chastity, purity of the mind and soul should be in fact doing the opposite. I know that its unfair to blame the festival but then the conditions created by the festival are probably what drive licentious behaviour. I don't recommend trying to curb this behaviour, but its up to the Govt to use this fact constructively. Social messages related to safe sex or even condom vending machines can be...

We have a leaner meaner solar system now. Pluto has been ostracized and am sure that some of the other planets are feeling slightly insecure- Who’s next? We earthlings assume that we have the moral right to define who stays and who doesn’t. That’s a bit like what the US is doing isn’t it? Am sure that there are aliens out there who must be having a hearty laugh at our ‘logical’ exclusion of Pluto. We face this kind of arbitrary changes all the time with our laws and policies. Quotas in educational institutions, cable tv or DTH or CAS, Hair and his recent decision come to mind immediately. Some of us are made to feel like Pluto in the process. Bejan Daruwala gave the whole episode new West vs. us spin. He opined that we should not listen to the west and follow our own rules. Am sure our expert astrologers, most of whom are not on TV like Bejan have that sense ingrained in them already. Meanwhile, Disney will now have to probably find a new name for Mickey’s dog.

BEST buses have their own way of creating parity. They have seats reserved up front for the ladies, senior citizens and the handicapped. Off late these have been imposed with some force and seem to be serving their rightful purpose. Today I witnessed the downside of this. A middle aged couple were occupying a ‘ladies’ seat and soon the man had to give it up for another woman. He wasn’t amused and started blaming his wife for having drawn him from another ‘neutral’ seat into sitting there. The wife, not one to give up, argued loud and clear about how it wasn’t her insistence and how he always had a choice. Suddenly the phrase dirty linen in public was being enacted much to the amusement of all and sundry. The man, now a mixture of embarrassment and anger explained to everyone at large and no one in particular that how he was actually questioning only the “principle” of it all. For non Indians- this is usually what an Indian man does when he wants to blame his wife but doesn’t have the b...

I received this ominous sounding email in my Inbox a couple of days back. I was reasonably sure that an email bomb hadn't been invented yet and moreover the terrorists had white people to kill. What would a brown skin like me be worth anyways.Moreover I have never traveled on a transatlantic flight. But hey i've taken a Mumbai local....does that mean I qualify as a target.....Shudder! Coming back to my dilemma....its about this amail (see in Italics below) the text of which reads like a mix of a Hindi movie, a Jehadi's diary and a bank's solicitation mail.You'll agree that its obviously a crude way to identify suckers who will provide Khalid, he's got a name you see, with their bank details or maybe gullible fools like me who will dedicate a blog entry to him. I might actually be furthering his cause by writing about it here but what the hell no one reads my blog and those who do don't take it seriously so..... Coming back to Khalid's email, he also make...

Cable wallahs blacked out signals in Mumbai for the last couple of days. Our cops who are strong moral police if not the best terror preventers went all out and ransacked MSOs all over Mumbai. Cablewallahs, who themselves have a dubious record, pulled the plug on the last mile in protest. We folks at home suddenly had no choice but to discover the merits of books, talk to each other and turn in early by default. Many of the younger generation who hadn’t quite experienced a TV less life survived it for two days and emerged disoriented. Suddenly there was a lot of time on our hands. No tears to shed over soaps, no cars to dream about on game shows and no skimpily clad women to look at. Women in particular lamented the plight of their favorite characters while they were denied a dekko. Dinner took place at the designate dinner table, with both hands being suitably occupied. The left hand which usually held the remote was relatively idle, confused by lack of application. At precisely 10.30...