Ajith Nair

Air Force One avoided precisely four bird hits, and three misguided diwali rockets from Kurla to land on some loose sand and gravel at CSIA Mumbai. In a major security breach that could possibly embarrass all Indians and Americans alike, President Obama received a call on his BB even as he had just landed, offering to sell him Insurance, Auto Loans, Home Loans, personal loans and a car loan. Sensing it to be an Al Qaeda Trojan call, the Secret Service urged him to continue the call, while they put a quick trace on it. President Obama took the call from his secret chamber inside Air Force One even before he stepped out to wave and greet India. A brief transcript of the conversation is available exclusively with this newspaper and exclusively with 200 other newspapers too Telecaller (TC): Good morning, kya mein Barack Obama ji se baat kar sakti hoon? BO: WTF!!! Telecaller (TC): My apologies sir. Can I speak to Mr. Barack Obama? BO: Yes this is Barack Telecaller: Sir this is Sally calli...

In a strange turn of things, the President of the US, Barack Obama landed at an undisclosed location one day before schedule on Diwali Day and met with a host of undisclosed Indians in a show of solidarity. 1. Bal T: While Obama insisted on using a translator into Marathi, this meeting was short-lived because most expletives uttered by Bal T were beyond the comprehension of the interlocutor. It is reported that Bal T provided a one sentence suggestion to Barack O to get rid of the Taliban “Burn their taxis and beat them up and they will go back to where they came from” 2. Rakhi Sawant: In a special episode of Rakhi ka Insaaf called Raakhi ka Insaaf v/s Guantanamo Bay Rakhi taught the President and the CIA how to use verbal torture and killer looks to neutralize opponents. It is said that the President himself seemed absolutely awestruck by Ms Sawant’s candidness in laying it bare in more ways than one 3. Big Boss: In what could be called TV History, President Obama met the Big Boss in ...

What promised to end as an obituary now is a fantastic story of rebirth and resurrection. As you might have guessed from the title the villain, the vanquished and the villain of this story is that four letter Govt telecom company. Yours truly is a side hero, one who's as dispensible as Amar Singh's wit. Four weeks ago, the MTNL Triband connection whimpered to a halt. The data transfer light on my modem made occasional blinked like a lighthouse far away. I promptly rang the Helpline. The Help part of helpline in my opinion, needs an exclamation mark after it if it has to aptly describe the state of poor souls who seek its umbrage. A Maharashtrian aunty who had just finished cutting vegetables for the next day picked up the phone and said "Kya problem hai" I restrained pouring my heart filled with problems and told her the facts. "Complaint no 4508. Thud". I felt deprived and consigned to a shit hole like in the movie Slumdog Millionaire After a few days of wa...

Babu Lingo Concerned Department - an illusion that you chase endlessly (hardly find any concern for your concerns here) Sahe b- Anyone from Lower Divisional Clerk to Chief Secretary. Depends entire on who uses it.Saheb is usually found behind closed doors (the ones that split down the middle and swing both ways, kinda explains their behaviour too)or a pile of files Chai Paani - The vital connect between expectation and outcome plan this to be a series, updated off and on. Suggestions welcome!

The Mumbai IPL team is practicing on the eve of their first encounter at Wankhede. Standing by the side, Sachin is chewing on his nails. He awaits a crucial encounter. Enter Raj Thackeray, the local goon, and the bone of contention. He is demanding his pound of flesh and a couple of spots in the Mumbai side for the locals. For the first time, inspite of not being on 99, Sachin Tendulkar is tense. Raj comes straight to the point “Chaila (Marathi expression for what the hell!), I want sons of the soil in the team, not some foreign players. Sachin bhau, I respect you, but this is unfair. Aamcha Mumbai cha team, aani phakt ekas marathi manoos (Our Mumbai side and only one Marathi native!) Sachin tries to leave that argument alone, and raises his arms in helplessness. Mukeshbhai entered the stadium just then, two bodyguards and four petis with other lackeys. “Raj bhai kaise ho, suna hai aapko bhi cricket khelna hai?” “Dekho Mukeshbhai, aapke office mein hamare bahut saare ladke hain isliye...

Arjuna (Rahul) looked at the Kauravas (BCCI members) standing in front of him on the battlefield and said “ Oh Krishna! how will I fight my own bosses ” Krishna (Chappell), his charioteer, assumed his Vishwarupa and exclaimed “ It is all about The Process Arjuna ” Saying this he removed his laptop and made a 10 min PowerPoint presentation on The Process. Bheema (Sachin), wielding his MRF mace and standing next to the chariot exclaimed “ Chaila Krishna ….I don’t like the animation …and moreover this doesn’t not have an exclusive section devoted to me ” Krishna looked at him benignly and said “ O great wielder of the MRF Mace willow…your days of being invincible are numbered…there stands between you and your destiny nothing but the hand of god ” Bheema, started biting his nail and staring away into the distance…he ignored his cell phone as a couple of sponsors tried contacting him Enter Yudishtira (Saurav), eldest of the lot, who looked at the PowerPoint presentation through his glasses....