India's got Talent- Obama on Call

Air Force One avoided precisely four bird hits, and three misguided diwali rockets from Kurla to land on some loose sand and gravel at CSIA Mumbai. In a major security breach that could possibly embarrass all Indians and Americans alike, President Obama received a call on his BB even as he had just landed, offering to sell him Insurance, Auto Loans, Home Loans, personal loans and a car loan. Sensing it to be an Al Qaeda Trojan call, the Secret Service urged him to continue the call, while they put a quick trace on it. President Obama took the call from his secret chamber inside Air Force One even before he stepped out to wave and greet India.
A brief transcript of the conversation is available exclusively with this newspaper and exclusively with 200 other newspapers too
Telecaller (TC): Good morning, kya mein Barack Obama ji se baat kar sakti hoon?
BO: WTF!!!
Telecaller (TC): My apologies sir. Can I speak to Mr. Barack Obama?
BO: Yes this is Barack
Telecaller: Sir this is Sally calling on behalf of Daylight Robbery Bank. Thank you for confirming you name sir, can you please confirm your date of birth and address for verification sake
BO: Do you know who I am and who you are speaking to?
Telecaller (TC): No sir I don’t. That is why I need to verify whether you are who you claim you are. I do this even when I call up my father. It’s become a habit now
BO: No problem, now in what format do you want my date of birth?
Telecaller (TC): Sir you are not allowed to ask this question. It is not part of the telecalling script sir.
BO: Ok fine, what is this phone call all about?
Telecaller (TC): Sir as I told you earlier I am calling to offer you the best possible offer for any of financial requirement
BO: Ok, let me think. I need to continue my war in Afghanistan for the next one year; can you fund me for that?
Telecaller (TC): For this purpose I will have to check with my supervisor sir. Could you please wait a minute and hear our boring hold tune while I do so?
The Secret Service meanwhile has laid a trace on the call. It seems to be emerging from a remote ramshackle cattle shed in Southern India. They are trying to get an ID on the location and the telecaller
Telecaller (TC): Sir, I have checked with my supervisor. Since our bank provides all types of loans even this loan will be possible. But you will have to tell me if it is a personal loan, an auto loan or a car loan?

BO: (sounding irritated) Oh don’t even bother !(gestures to the SS whether they have an ID yet, who signal negative)
Telecaller (TC): Don’t say like that sir. It is my duty to bother, at least that is what my telescript asks me to say
BO: Holy crap, so let’s get chatting about some personal stuff then
Telecaller (TC): (shyly) for that I can provide you an alternate number sir, but you will be charged USD 2 a second and that won’t be me but one of my senior colleagues sir.
BO: Ok, (now starting to smile). Tell me, where are you calling from?
Telecaller (TC): (Hesitating) I am calling from Washington DC
BO: (chuckles) Alright! Now which part of Washington DC will that be?
Telecaller (TC): All the parts sir, we can call from any part we want
BO: And who gave you this number?
Telecaller (TC): My boss sir
BO: And what was he telling you when he gave it to you?
Telecaller (TC): he told me that this gentleman needs all the money that he can get; his House is in a bad shape, he can’t pay his bills, he has many wars to fight. So I thought you will need loans, especially a home loan since your house is in a bad shape
BO: Do you know that I can trace you now and have you obliterated?
Telecaller (TC): (now sounding nervous) Actually I am a jobless engineer from Kochahampalli sir who desperately took up this job to make some money and add value to my CV saying I have been “dealing with Americans”. You are the first call that I made
BO: Have you heard the name Barack Obama before?
Telecaller (TC): yes sir!
BO: Great, where have you heard it?
Telecaller (TC): You just told me your name is that
BO: (Sounding frustrated) Have you heard about the President of the United States of America?
Telecaller (TC): yes sir, It is George Bush sir. He is a very brave man, single handedly fighting Saddam Hussein
BO: Now who the hell told you that?
Telecaller (TC): My boss sir
BO: Your boss seems to know a lot more than I do. Can you put me through to him
Telecaller (TC): Just a minute sir, for that I will have to get back to you. Please hold the line and this time I will play you a different hold tune, hopefully this is less irritating

Again an irritating hold tune comes along and Barack Obama has to wait for long. Meanwhile CIA informs him that the whole of India is anxious about why Obama is refusing to emerge from Air Force one. Some TV channels have started speculating if Obama has a severe case of piles and can’t move his butt while others are saying that he’s busy rehearsing his Hindi
Line Opens and a deep voice says “Hello”
BO: (says to himself) Now that voice is familiar
Boss : Sir, what can I do for you?
BO: Dude, you just called the President of the United States
Boss : Oh did I, I had programmed the calling device to try Putin and Sarkozy before they dialed you
BO: Man, I just can’t place that voice, sounds very familiar
Even as he says this the chief of Secret Service barges into his cabin and tell him
SS: Mr President, you won’t believe who this is
BO: Don’t tell me it’s that man Bin Laden again, have we found him in India this time?
SS: No sir, if you wondered where President Bush disappeared after his term, look no further that BLABBER (Bush’s outbound call centre based in Bengaluru India)
BO: Man is this going to a tough India trip or what!!!

(Postscript: Predictably, the Bush story made more headlines than Obama’s entry. Sally, called Satyalakshmi received two promotions in the space of 4 hours, thanks to her boss George W Bush. She later gave a Texan accent interview to CNN which was telecast worldwide and watched by 3 million viewers, Bangalore meanwhile continued to be the outsourced voice of service to America)