India's Got Talent

In a strange turn of things, the President of the US, Barack Obama landed at an undisclosed location one day before schedule on Diwali Day and met with a host of undisclosed Indians in a show of solidarity.
1. Bal T: While Obama insisted on using a translator into Marathi, this meeting was short-lived because most expletives uttered by Bal T were beyond the comprehension of the interlocutor. It is reported that Bal T provided a one sentence suggestion to Barack O to get rid of the Taliban “Burn their taxis and beat them up and they will go back to where they came from”
2. Rakhi Sawant: In a special episode of Rakhi ka Insaaf called Raakhi ka Insaaf v/s Guantanamo Bay Rakhi taught the President and the CIA how to use verbal torture and killer looks to neutralize opponents. It is said that the President himself seemed absolutely awestruck by Ms Sawant’s candidness in laying it bare in more ways than one
3. Big Boss: In what could be called TV History, President Obama met the Big Boss in person and also witnessed goings on inside the Big Boss House. Apparently, President Obama picked up tips on how to eliminate people week after week, without being seen as a tyrant
4. Suresh Kalmadi: This happened at an undisclosed location, given that SK has gone into hiding to count all the money he made during the CWG. Having said that, this meeting seemed to be a huge success. President Obama has agreed to host Olympics in Kabul, as a confidence building measure, organized under the experienced team of SK. SK also has been provided a grant of US 2bn for his NGO, (Lack of) Transparency Kalmadi International, a force against corruption and nepotism.
5. Rajnikanth: This meeting was purportedly the highlight of the President’s schedule, with the two world leaders sharing lunch, the President eating off his plate, while Rajni sir consumed it via Bluetooth. They agreed that a film should be made in 2011 by Shankar which will star both of them. The President also sought Rajni Sir’s help in locating and exterminating Bin Laden but the great man declined given that he has no dates available until 2115 AD
6. Akshay Masterchef Kumar: President Obama had to wait for a while as Akshay Kumar insisted on sliding down a 35 story building chute before he met him. He also was carrying Momos and Dal made on his show Masterchef India and ended up spilling some of this on Obama during his antics. Obama refused to wash his dirty linen in public, instead being really impressed with how a man could be cookery show host, a husband, a Thums Up drinker, an acrobat, a Bollywood Star all at the same time. Akshay appeared modest, focusing instead on teaching CIA men how to make the right kind of dal makhani
7. Baba Ramdev: The president met Baba Ramdev early in the morning over a dose of Kapal Bhaati and Anulom Vilom. He seemed to be impressed with the power of Yoga and made a remark about how this will help in twist and turn through the various debates and criticisms that he faces every day. Viewers of Aastha channel were blessed with seeing this whole meeting live at 3.48am today
8. Arnab Goswami: The President bumped into him at the Loo of the Taj. An interview ensued in which the President came under a vicious monologue attack and it took 4 CIA men and the rest of the Taj Staff to outshout the inebriated Arnab G. This seems to have severely dented India’s chances of getting a seat at the UN Security Council
9. Mamta Banerjee: Refused to meet the President first but later gave in when he promised a TMC Chair of Oneupmanship at the Prestigious Reckless School of Leadership. Mamta Di apparently told the President how India had figured out the true meaning of Railroad by blurring the distinction between Rail and the road. Obama appeared fascinated and made furious notes in the propaganda leaflet offered to him by a supporter of Mamta Di. She also urged a Mamta US accord to end Communism in Bengal
10. The bookseller at the signal: While traveling back to his hotel President Obama bought a book at a signal even before the Presidential Guards could intervene. Interestingly he bought a copy of his own Audacity of Hope for USD 4 and was overjoyed how it had reached even the streets of Mumbai, “It’s a truly flat world as my friend Tom says” he remarked. He was later disappointed to find that there were pages missing in the book and the ink was smudged on all the pages. He intends going back and engaging in a dialogue with the boy who sold him this book to understand what challenges he faces

A White House spokesperson refused to confirm or deny any of these. Needless to say, the Indian media has managed to leak out the names of all who he met and what transpired courtesy Wikileaks