Mumbai Maharashtrians (and not Indians!)



The Mumbai IPL team is practicing on the eve of their first encounter at Wankhede. Standing by the side, Sachin is chewing on his nails. He awaits a crucial encounter.
Enter Raj Thackeray, the local goon, and the bone of contention. He is demanding his pound of flesh and a couple of spots in the Mumbai side for the locals. For the first time, inspite of not being on 99, Sachin Tendulkar is tense.
Raj comes straight to the point “Chaila (Marathi expression for what the hell!), I want sons of the soil in the team, not some foreign players. Sachin bhau, I respect you, but this is unfair. Aamcha Mumbai cha team, aani phakt ekas marathi manoos (Our Mumbai side and only one Marathi native!)

Sachin tries to leave that argument alone, and raises his arms in helplessness.

Mukeshbhai entered the stadium just then, two bodyguards and four petis with other lackeys.
“Raj bhai kaise ho, suna hai aapko bhi cricket khelna hai?”
“Dekho Mukeshbhai, aapke office mein hamare bahut saare ladke hain isliye aapko chhod raha hoon. Warna Reliance to kabka bandh ho jaata”
Mukesh chuckles and says” Bhau, aapke ladkon ko main chance de sakta hoon. Par sirf nets practice mein “
Raj is angered. He adjusts his spectacles and roars
“ Aapne kya hume fisherman samajh rakha hai… chaila nets mein chance dega MNS mein sirf koli (fisher folk in Maharashtra) log nahin hain!!”
From the other end, Jayasuriya runs in agitated
“Sachin, those goons are bashing up Dilhara (Fernando) and Lasith (Malinga). In fact, Lasith has lost all his hair color already. They tried to catch me by my hair, but didn’t succeed for obvious reasons”
Raj smiles and says “These Madrasis were almost kicked out by my uncle. Now I will finish them off fully”
Sachin says “arre bhau yeh Sri Lankan hai”
Raj “ Sri Lankan, Sri-nath Sree-santh sab ek hi to hain hamare liye, nikalo saalon ko bahar”

Shaun Pollock meanwhile comes rushing in, clothes in tatters.
“Mr Ambani, your contract never said I’ll be unclothed by locals while at practice, this is ridiculous”
Raj looks at him and says “Saala African hai lekin gora hai, zaroor kidhar milavat hai”
Sachin butts in “Bhau, yeh South African hai “
Raj looks angered and says “Anything to do with the South is banned in my city”

Uthappa hears Raj’s last statement and tries to escape but Raj spots him.
“Wah, here comes my favorite meal, Uthappa. I won’t spare him, I’ll have you for breakfast”
Mukesh and Sachin try to pacify Raj but with no avail
He tries to grab Uthappa when Bhajji enters from behind and holds his hand.
Everyone is stunned. Mukesh and Sachin scamper for cover but there is none. The scene freezes like the climax of a cheap drama.
Bhaji breaks the silence. Staring Raj straight in the eye he says
“Saale, tere saare aadmi logon ko bhaiya logon ko harass karne se phursat mile to woh aake cricket khelenge na!!!”
Last heard the Mumbai IPL team had heeded Raj Thackeray’s call for inclusion of “sons of the soil” in the Mumbai IPL team. Raj’s men had been handed over the soil and gardening at Wankhede stadium. Raj was unavailable for comment as he was busy breaking North Indian bones in shanties in Mumbai suburbs.

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